Fun With Autocorrect
by Sunstorm of ThunderClan
Summary: The Glee characters have fun with autocorrect on their phones.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's another autocorrect story. Got the autocorrects from Damn you auto correct . com. I do not own Glee or the characters, I'm just playing with them. I promise to put them back when I'm done. And please don't expect these to be in 'text-speak', I loath it so much.**

**0000**

**Puck**

I'm heading home, dude. My sac is licking me.

**Finn**

... Is that even possible?

**Puck**

Dude, no! I meant my stomach is killing me!

**0000**

**Finn**

You need to do something about your ballsac, dude. It stinks.

**Kurt**

Are you high? My BALLSAC?

**Finn**

Your BASEMENT! Sorry, dude, autocorrect.

**Finn**

Kurt? Are you there?

**0000**

**Mercedes**

Has he called yet?

**Kurt**

No, wish he would soon though. I hate sitting and waiting for my phone to ripen.

**Mercedes**

Lol, your waiting for your phone to ripen?

**Kurt**

Haha, no. I'm waiting for it to ring.

**0000**

**Mike**

Hey, want to have children with me?

**Tina**

Bit soon for that, don't you think?

**Mike**

Yeah, ignore that. I was asking if you wanted to have Chinese with me.

**0000**

**Kurt**

Carole asked me to text you and tell you we're having spaghetti and meatsack, so come home.

**Finn**

Um, not sure if I want to eat that.

**Kurt**

Oh my GaGa, I meant spaghetti and meatballs.

**0000**

**Burt**

Guess where I'm texting you from.

**Kurt**

Where?

**Burt**

On top of a Mormon.

**Kurt**

How'd you get up there?

**Burt**

Whoops, meant on top of a mountain.

**0000**

**Blaine**

Sorry, should have told you about Jeremy sooner.

**Kurt**

Yes, you should have. I don't like it when people keep SQUIRRELMEAT from me.

**Blaine**

... Squirrel meat?

**Kurt**

Oh for crying out loud. I meant secrets!

**0000**

**Finn**

You havent been answering me. Are you getting my testosterone?

**Finn**

Shit, are you getting my texts?

**Rachel**

Sorry, cant say that I have been getting your testosterone. Ask Puck, I'm sure he has it.

**0000**

**Sam**

I'm having the worst blueballs right now. How do you spell 'peaknow'?

**Quinn**

Um, first 'blueballs'? And are you asking how to spell 'piano'?

**Sam**

Shit, I meant brainfarts, and yes, I wanted to know how to spell piano.

**0000**

**Kurt**

Should we have a movie night tonight?

**Mercedes**

Can't. I'm painting my bedroom.

**Kurt**

Oh, what color?

**Mercedes**

Effervescent shitstain

**Kurt**

I see. And what color is that exactly?

**Mercedes**

Haha, European Sunrise. Want to come over and help me?

**0000**

**Santana**

Are you coming over soon?

**Puck.**

No. Waiting for an incantation from you. ;)

**Santana**

A what? Are you trying to imply something, Puckerman?

**Puck**

Shit, no! I meant an invitation.

**0000**

**Rachel**

How are you allowed out uncircumsized?

**Puck**

Um, I'm Jewish?

**Rachel**

That was bad. I apologize, I meant to say unsupervised.

**Puck**

No need to apologize. ;) You really want to know if I'm uncircumsized?

**Rachel**

Ew, no. I'm with Finn, remember?

**0000**

**Mike**

Hey, what are you doing?

**Artie**

Chilling with my GRANNYPANTIES.

**Mike**

Um, I was going to ask if you wanted to come over and play video games, but sounds like your having fun with your granny panties.

**Artie**

Oh geez, no. I meant my grandparents. I do not wear granny panties.

**0000**

**Blaine**

Hey, you coming over?

**Kurt**

Yeah, I'm leaving earth now.

**Blaine**

Earth? Where exactly do you think I am, Mars?

**Kurt**

Lol, no. I meant I'm leaving work now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kurt**

Hey, want to go get something to eat with me?

**Finn**

Sorry, just went and got a sandwich from the devil.

**Kurt**

... That explains so much about you.

**Finn**

The deli! Not the devil!

**0000**

**Quinn**

Weatherman says to prepare for flamingos this weekend.

**Santana**

Oh god, no! Anything but flamingos!

**Quinn**

Lol, I meant flooding.

**0000**

**Finn**

Mom says to hurry home. We're having prostates and turkey for dinner.

**Kurt**

I pray to whatever god there is that you mean potatoes.

**Finn**

Of course I mean potatoes. Just come home.

**0000**

**Sam**

Hey, I'm here to lick you up.

**Finn**

Um... what?

**Sam**

Shit! I'm here to pick you up, not lick you up!

**0000**

**Kurt**

So, how's Dad doing with the car shopping?

**Carole**

Not so good. He's gagging the salesperson right now.

**Kurt**

Gagging him? You'd better stop him or he'll get in trouble.

**Carole**

Good grief. I meant he's haggling the salesperson.

**0000**

**Finn**

What are you up to?

**Puck**

Watching tv and shoving Jesus into my mouth. What are you up to?

**Finn**

You're shoving who into your mouth?

**Puck**

Fuck! I meant cheez-its, not Jesus!

**0000**

**Kurt**

Hey what are you doing?

**Mercedes**

Making my famous low-cal, low-fat pancakes. You want to come over and have some?

**Kurt**

Yes, as long as I get them with sermon.

**Mercedes**

Praise Jesus! Hallejuah! If you like pancakes give me an AMEN!

**Kurt**

Amen! Lol, you know what I meant, you goof.

**0000**

**Blaine**

So, are you free to hang out with me?

**Kurt**

Not right now, I'm helping Dad. Maybe in the NEBUCHADNEZZAR.

**Blaine**

Right... When is that exactly?

**Kurt**

Near future.


	3. Chapter 3

Alright, as I've said on my profile, I do not have 24/7 access to a computer, so if you wish to finish reading my stories and read any new ones, you have two options. You can either go to my DeviantArt account, or you can send me your email along with a short message explaining whether you want me to send all future chapters of a specific story/stories, or all future chapters of all my stories as well as any future stories that I write. However, with any future story I write, I will send a short email, giving you the title and basic summary of the story and you can decide for yourself whether you'd like to read or it or not. If there's any other option that I haven't covered that you'd prefer, please just let me know and I'll see what I can do. Thank you!


End file.
